Fajitas With Mayonnaise
by TheOutsidersIsAmazingButSad
Summary: I'm going to start right out by saying that this fic is in fact an mpreg fic. Also, it contains slash, foul language, and some adult themes. Anyway, to the synopsis, After finding out that he's pregnant, Kyle doesn't think his life can get any worse, but it does. Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. P.S. Don't ponder too hard over the title, it means nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, a certain character may be a little OOC, and by OOC I mean, he's kind of a creep. Also, I know the first chapter is LOADED with a LOT of stuff and it seems like I'm kind of rushing it a little, but the future chapters will be full of even more drama, it will be kind of like Degrassi, only with A LOT less drama! (I apologise to any fans of Degrassi). Also, English isn't my first language, so my spelling and grammar will probably be horrible, if it is, then I am truly sorry.**

 **Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy reading this.**

* * *

"Well, we've run multiple tests multiple times and the results are always the same, it seems like you're pregnant." The doctor said.

I stared at him in shock, did he just say what I thought he did?

"I'm what now?" I asked, I didn't see how it could be possible, I mean, I'm a seventeen year old BOY! Boys don't get pregnant!

"You're pregnant, according to the tests, you're nearly eight weeks along." The doctor replied.

I looked over at my mother, for once she didn't say anything, I guessed she was too shocked. My dad opened his mouth before fainting right on the ground.

"H-How did this happen? My son has never been a girl." My mother said, finally finding her voice. Honestly, I was a bit shocked she lost it in the first place, she always seemed to have something to say about everything.

"We're not sure how it happened, however, if you want we will continue to run some tests so we can figure this all out." The doctor replied.

"How often will these tests have to be ran?" My mother asked.

"I don't want to be tested on like some lab rat." I snapped before storming out of the hospital room, not bothering to listen to the rest of their conversation. When I got outside, I pulled out my phone to text Jimmy, my boyfriend. When we first started dating two years ago, a lot of the kids, especially Cartman, gave me hell about dating one of the Special Ed kids, however, I didn't see what was so wrong about it, Jimmy didn't have any less mental capacity than the rest of us, and he was super sweet.

I sent him a text asking him to come over later, that it was important, I then decided to text Stan to ask him to come over as well, I mean, he is my super best friend, if anyone deserved to know other than Jimmy it's him.

Probably about ten minutes later, give or take a few minutes, my parents came walking out, and my dad had an ice pack held up to his head.

Instead of lecturing me like I expected her to, my mother just told me to get in the car. The ride back home was full of nerve racking silence, I could tell by the way my parents were not saying anything to me, hell, they couldn't even look at me, that they were highly disappointed.

When we reached the house, I was slightly surprised to see Stan already standing on the porch.

"Is everything okay? What happened?" He asked in a worried tone when I made my way over to him.

My mother opened her mouth to say something, but I shot her a pleading look, begging her to let me be the one to tell him. She let out a small sigh and walked into the house without saying a word, my dad at her heels.

"So, what's up?" Stan asked.

"I think we should wait until Jimmy gets here, this is something I want to tell both of you." I said softly. As if my words were on cue, Jimmy's dad came driving up in his fire truck, and Jimmy carefully climbed out, hobbling on his crutches over to us.

"H-Hey Kyle, hey S-Stan." He greeted us with a smile that showed off his braces, that he has had since we were eight.

"Hey." Stan and I said in unison as I let my eyes drift over Jimmy's body. All the years of having to drag his lower half around with crutches had given him quite a bit of upper body strength, and it showed from the way his muscles were bulging against the tight work-out shirt he was wearing.

"Are you training for the Special Olympics this year?" Stan asked.

"Y-Yea, I think I have a r-r-real good chance of b-beating Nathan this year." Jimmy said.

"Just remember, whether you win or you lose, I still love you." I said with a smile before kissing him softly.

"I love you too." Jimmy said with a smile back at me.

"So, before you guys get too mushy on each other, what did you want to tell us?" Stan asked.

Oh shit, I couldn't believe that I had almost forgotten, who on earth forgets something THAT important? Me apparently.

"Well, uh-" I began, looking from Jimmy's face to Stan's, they both had looks of worry mixed with patience, and impatience if that made any sense at all.

"I think Cartman is going to try to cheat the Special Olympics again." I lied, I couldn't tell them, well, I couldn't tell Jimmy at least. He was about to compete in the Special Olympics, I couldn't burden him with my huge secret, not now.

"Really? Do you really think he'd do that after he got his ass humilated in front of everyone that one time?" Stan asked. I shrugged.

"W-Well, t-thank you for telling me B-Babe." Jimmy said.

"You deserve to know if that fat shit is going to ruin your big day." I said before kissing him for the second time that day. We usually don't kiss much when we stand, because I'm shorter than Jimmy, I always have to stand on my tip-toes, since he can't exactly bend down because of his crutches, so it can get a bit difficult especially since my balance is pretty bad.

We then went inside and played video games, and talked about school, and about the idiots who attended it.

An hour so later, Jimmy had to go home, so I was stuck there alone with Stan, who could read me like a book.

"What's the real reason you called me over here? I know it's not because of the whole Cartman thing." He said.

"This is going to sound unbelievable-." I began. To my surprise, Stan let out a snort,

"Dude, the only thing that would sound unbelievable to me is if my dad stopped acting like a dumbass, I mean we live in a town that has faced alien abductions, a zombie outbreak, and even a killer goldfish." He said, shuddering slightly at the killer goldfish part.

"I'm pregnant." I said quickly, ripping the band-aid off. I expected Stan to start laughing, to make fun of me, to call me a liar, or something that any other person would do. However, instead, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly against him.

"It's okay, I'll still be your super best friend no matter what." He said gently.

"So, you don't think I'm a freak or anything?" I asked.

"No way dude, this is South Park, freaky shit happens all the time, also, weren't you sort of pregnant before when I had those lion cubs give you an abortion?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes,

"That was a stupid story Cartman wrote, and I wasn't pregnant, I was just a vessel for the animal anti-christ or something." I said.

"Oh yea, you see, so much crazy shit has happened, I forget what's real and what's not sometimes." He said.

"Oh trust me, I know how you feel." I said, remembering back to the time when I found out that the tooth fairy wasn't real.

"You need to tell Jimmy though, I mean he is the father right?" Stan asked.

"Of course he is, unless Cartman injected me with his semen or something." I said, shuddering at the thought. However, I wouldn't put it past him. Shit, what if I was carrying his baby? The thought of it made me want to sit in a corner and gargle razor blades or something.

"Didn't you install an alarm system on your window so he couldn't break in anymore?" Stan asked.

"Oh yea." I said as I felt myself relax tremendously.

"So, about telling Jimmy?"

"I'll tell him after the Special Olympics, I don't want him to have too much on his plate." I said.

"The Special Olympics are like two months away, you'll probably be showing by then, especially since you're a fairly small guy." Stan said.

"I'll just wear baggy shirts, or tell him I gained weight or something, I'm pretty sure the first thing that pops into his head isn't going to be that I'm pregant." I said.

"You're pregnant?" I heard a slight nasally voice behind me say.

"C-Clyde?" I stammered out, turning to face the eavesdropper.

"Are you really pregnant?" He asked, I could have sworn he sounded happy about it.

"Um, what are you doing in my yard?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"I came over to invite you over to my house so we can eat tacos and watch The Hobbit together." He said.

"You do know he's with Jimmy right?" Stan asked before I could say anything.

"It's not like it would be a date or anything." Clyde said with a pout. However, I knew better, he had been asking me out for months now, claiming that he had loved me ever since the fourth grade, and that he only dated Bebe to make me jealous, and all that other cliche stuff.

"Can Stan come too?" I asked, normally, I would have rejected Clyde's offer, but I really wanted to see The Hobbit, and I figured that it would take my mind off of what I had learned today.

"I guess so." Clyde said with obvious disappointment.

"I'm going over to Clyde's!" I called, recieving a 'be back before dark' in reply from my mother.

"So, it looks like we have the whole day together." Clyde said happily to me, he acted like Stan wasn't even there.

"Yea, great." I said with a forced smile, Clyde was a nice guy, he often stood up for me, but he could also be a little over-bearing and a bit of a cry baby, I also didn't like how he was acting towards Stan.

"So, what are you going to name the baby?" He asked, as he placed his hand on my stomach, which caused me to flinch.

"You're not surprised either?" I asked as I looked over at Stan who was giving Clyde the glare of death.

"No, I kind of, I was hoping for it to happen." Clyde said.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about? Why would you hope that Jimmy and I would have a baby together?" I demanded.

"I'll tell you in private." He said, nodding his head over in Stan's direction.

"No, anything you say to me, you can say in front of him." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"No, I need to tell you this in PRIVATE." He said pleadingly as tears sprang up in his dark brown eyes.

"Fine, but you better not try anything." I snapped before following him to the curb, just far enough for Stan not to hear us, but he could still see us in case Clyde did try anything.

"So, what in the world made you even think that I could have a baby? In case you haven't noticed, I'm a boy." I snapped.

"I know, and I know you could have a baby because-" He took a deep breath.

"Because why?" I asked as I furrowed my brows together.

"Because I met a witch, and she gave me a potion to put in your drink, a potion that would make it so you could carry my chid-"

"Wait, wait a minute, wait right there, how the hell would I be carrying your child? We NEVER had sex!" I exclaimed.

"Yes we did! At Token's party almost two months ago, after I spiked your drink with the potion, we got super drunk and we...yea." Clyde said.

"Wait, so you spiked my drink with some weird pregnancy potion and then you DATE RAPED ME?" I screamed.

"No, I was drunk too, I honestly didn't even know we had sex until Craig showed me a video someone had sent to him on his phone." Clyde protested.

"Okay, but you were planning on having sex with me weren't you? That's why you put that stupid potion in my drink." I choked out, wanting to cry and to kill him all at the same time.

"Yes! But only with your consent, I would never do that to you, I love you." Clyde said as tears streamed freely down his cheeks.

"I'm with Jimmy, I love him, only him, get that through your thick skull, you and I will NEVER be together." I said coldly before pivoting on my heel and walking back towards Stan. However, before I could get very far, Clyde grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"What do you want?" I yelled, attempting to yank my arm out of his grasp, but that only made him tighten his grip.

"Let me go." I growled, as I attempted to pull away from him. I looked over at Stan, expecting him to come over and help me, but his nose was buried in his phone, I figured he was probably texting Wendy or something.

"I-I never meant to hurt you, I'm sorry." He sobbed.

"Go to hell, you're worse than Cartman." I growled.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, letting go of my arm and sinking down to the ground.

"I hate you." I said darkly before I stormed away, leaving him crying his eyes out. As I made my way back towards Stan, several thoughts weighed heavily on my mind, what would I tell Jimmy? Who was the witch that gave Clyde the potion, and who recorded the video that was sent to Craig's phone?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter was A LOT less short than the other one, I honestly don't think this story is going to be much longer, only time will tell.**

 **Also, a violent character death appears in this chapter.**

* * *

At school the next day, I was confused on why everyone was staring at me like I had three heads or something.

"What's going on? You don't think Clyde told them do you?" I whispered to Stan.

"No telling what that manipulative fuck told people." Stan growled. When I told him about what Clyde had done, he got so mad that he shattered his car window, which is highly unusual because Stan is one of the biggest pacifists I know.

I spotted Butters by the lockers, and ran over to him,

"What's going on?" I asked only to be slapped across the face by him in return.

"What the hell? What was that for?" I demanded as I held my stinging cheek.

I was shocked, Butters is the nicest guy I know, he would never hurt a fly, he's an even bigger pacifist than Stan is!

"Why'd you go and cheat on Jimmy like that? He's a really nice guy, he doesn't deserve that." Butters replied.

"What are you talking-" I started to say when I saw it, being projected on the wall was the video that I assumed was the one Clyde told me about.

I stood there, open mouthed in shock, feeling hurt, angry, and confused. Why had the culprit just NOW decide to spread the video along the school? Why not send it in a master text when he first recorded it? Also, most importantly of all, who was doing it.

Timmy rolled by on his wheelchair, flipping me the bird, as he passed me. The sight of him reminded me of something, I needed to straighten this whole mess out with Jimmy!

I quickly ran to the Special Ed classroom, where I saw him sitting at a desk with his head in his arms, I could tell by the shaking of his shoulders that he was crying.

"Jimmy." I said softly, lightly placing his hand on his back, causing him to violently jerk away.

"H-How could you Kyle? How c-c-could you do that to me?" He asked, staring at me with eyes full of heartbreak and disdain.

I then spilled my guts, telling him about everything that had happened with Clyde, including the whole pregnacy thing.  
"Oh Kyle! That is h-h-horible, even if this b-baby is Clyde's I w-w-will raise it like it's my own. I lo-" His sentence was suddenly cut short by a loud bang, I let out a silent scream as the top of his head was blown off, bone fragments from his skull exploded around us, and some of his blood and brain matter landed on me. I felt my stomach lurch and my heart sink down to my stomach. Who had done this? Why did they do it? What were they planning on doing next?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The last chapter was a little...intense.**

 **I'm pretty sure I had too much to drink or something when I wrote that one. You know how when you get drunk and do something REALLY embarrassing, that you're like,**

 **"Oh my god, what the hell did I do?"**

 **Yea, the last chapter was like that.**

 **However, what's done is done, so I'm just going to roll with it.**

 **Also, Kyle isn't very broken up in this chapter, because he's still in shock over what happened. You know, the five stages of grief and all?**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

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An ambulance, two police cruisers, and a fire truck soon arrived at the school. I was relieved that it wasn't Jimmy's dad who had arrived in the fire truck, instead it was a man, who looked to be in his early twenties, with close cropped blond hair.

As Jimmy's body got carted away, one of the officers told me to stand by while he called my parents, because it's against the law to question minors without their legal guardian present.

I was in shock as I waited for my parents to get here, I didn't understand what had happened, one minute, Jimmy was forgiving me, and the next...bang, he's dead. Who could have done that? Why would they do that? Jimmy never hurt anyone, the thing he loved to do most was make people laugh, why would someone kill someone like that?

"What's going on? Why are all these police cars here?" My mother asked as she walked into classroom.

"Where's dad?" I asked.

"Oh, he's working on a case." She said.

"Hello, you must be Mrs Broflovski." One of the officers, the older one who had called, said to her.

"That's right, what is this about?" Mother asked.

"Well, we understand that your son was involved with the victim right?" He said.

"Victim? What victim?" Mother asked.

"Jimmy Valmer, age seventeen, he was shot, your son was the only one in the room." The officer said.

"Wait, so you think I killed him?" I demanded. I felt anger boil up in my chest, how could he think I killed Jimmy? I loved him more than anything!

"No, however, we must question everyone who was close to the victim, and you were the last person to see him alive." The officer said.

I nodded, even though I could see the suspicion in his eyes, I decided to not say anything, lest make him even more suspicious.

"Okay, I want you to tell me exactly what happened from start to finish." The officer said.

"Well, I came into the art room to apologise to Jimmy-" I began.

"So you guys were fighting?" The officer asked, cutting me off.

"Well, yes, but-"

"And what was this fight about?" He asked, cutting me off again.

"According to what I've heard when interviewed some of the students and teachers, is that Mr Broflovski here cheated on Mr Valmer, perhaps he killed off Mr Valmer so he and his other lover could be together without the guilt of hurting the feelings of a disabled kid." The other officer said.

"That's bullshit!" I exclaimed, my anger rising once again.

"I would like to test your hands for any gun residue." The older officer said, both of them seemed unfazed by my outburst.

"And I'd like to see a warrant, come on Kyle, we're going home." My mother said firmly.

"I honestly didn't do it." I said as she pulled me to the car.

"It's okay Kyle, we all make mistakes, you can stay with your aunt and cousin Kyle in Connecticut." She said, completely ignoring what I said.

"No Mom! I'm innocent, running away will just make me look guilty." I protested.

However, like she always did when she was in her mind-set, she ignored me.

* * *

 **A/N: Wow, that chapter was pretty bad too. Honestly, I'm a bit stuck on this story, however, I will try to keep updating, and hopefully, the future chapters won't be such a suck-fest.**

 **Once again, I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing.**


	4. Chapter 4

After the plane touched down in the airport in Connecticut, I grabbed my suitcase out of the luggage compartment, and went to go look for my aunt, uncle, and Cousin Kyle. I soon spotted them, they were holding a large sign with my name written in bold letters. I slowly made my way over to them, I didn't want to be there, I would rather be at home trying to figure all of this out.

Why did my mother send me here? Even if she doesn't believe me, as the wife of a lawyer, she should know that the most suspicious thing for a possible suspect to do is leave the vicinity.

"Hey Kyle." Cousin Kyle said in his congested voice, he still looked as nerdy as ever. He was wearing large glasses that took up half his face, I guess he needed his cheeks to see. He also wore a sweater-vest, with a pair of shorts that were giving him a slight moose knuckle, and a pair of penny loafers.

"We're so happy to have you with us." My uncle then said before he and my aunt both gave me a hug.

"Here, let me get that, someone in your condition should not be lifting heavy objects." He then said as he reached for my suitcase. I let out a low groan, my mother told them? I wondered who else she had told, she had a really big mouth.

I reluctantly agreed to let him carry my suitcase for me, I didn't want to start any arguments before I even got to their house, all I wanted to do was sleep.

The ride to their house was pretty annoying, Cousin Kyle kept droning on and on about the life cycle of a praying mantis, or some weird shit like that.

I let out a sigh of relief when we finally reached their house, which I had to admit was pretty nice, it was bigger than my house, but not quite as big as Token's.

"Come inside Dear, we'll get you something to eat, you must be famished." My aunt said.

"Um, I'm actually not very hungry." I said.

"Nonsense, you must eat if you want to have a healthy little one." My uncle said.

"Really, I'm fine, I ate on the plane, thank you though." I said with a light, forced smile.

"Well, okay, but if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." My aunt said with a warm smile before turning to Cousin Kyle.

"Why don't you go show Kyle where he'll be sleeping?" She said.

"Okay." Cousin Kyle said with a smile, before grabbing my hand and pulling me up the stairs.

"Here we are." He said, opening the door to reveal a white, spotless room, there were no posters on the wall or anything, it looked like a room out of a museum or something. However, I was relieved to see a computer on his desk. Even though it appeared to be from the 90s, it was better than nothing.

"Can I use your computer?" I asked.  
"Sure, help yourself, just don't browse any porn, porn sites give out a lot of viruses." Cousin Kyle said.

"Thanks." I said as I started up the computer, I didn't understand why Cousin Kyle didn't get a modern computer, he had enough money to.

After about ten, long, boring minutes, I was finally logged into the messenger, I was glad to see that everyone was online.

 _ **Stan Marsh: Hey, where are you? I heard that the cops questioned you, and then you just disappeared.**_

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: The cops think that I killed Jimmy, I think my mom does too, because she sent me to stay with Cousin Kyle in Conn.**_

 _ **Stan Marsh: Well, did you?**_

I blinked with surprise, not believing my eyes, did my super best friend just ask me if I killed Jimmy?

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: No! Of course not, I loved him.**_

 _ **Stan Marsh: Good, I didn't think you did, I was just making sure.**_

 _ **Stan Marsh: Oh, in other news, did you know that Kenny is dating BUTTERS?**_

What? Kenny and Butters? I couldn't help but to laugh at the thought of that, they are as different as night and day, apples and oranges, cats and dogs, summer and, well, you get the point.

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: Nu uh.**_

 _ **Stan Marsh: They really are! When the police came, Butters was all wigging out about being grounded, because his parents ground him over the stupidest shit you know? Anyway, Kenny was comforting him, and holding him, and Cartman called them fags, and Kenny was like,**_

 _ **"Of course we are, we've been dating for two weeks." Then, they kissed!**_

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: You sound like a total fan girl you know that?**_

 _ **Stan Marsh: Oh fuck you :p**_

I let out a small chuckle, and decided to send Kenny a message.

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: So, I heard you're dating Butters.**_

 _ **Kenny McCormick: Yea... don't worry, I won't rub our relationship all up in your face or anything, it's not fair seeing how you just lost the love of your life, how are you holding up by the way?**_

I thought about what he said, honestly, I was surprised, and slightly angry at myself that I wasn't more upset about Jimmy's death. I loved him more than anything didn't I? Why wasn't I crying, screaming at God to give him back? Why was did I feel so numb, like I was in a dream that I would wake up from any moment now. Jimmy couldn't really be dead could he? It made no sense at all.

 _ **Kenny McCormick: Kyle?**_

 _ **Kyle Broflovski: Sorry, I'm not sure what to say, I still can't believe he's gone.**_

 _ **Kenny McCormick: Yea.. me neither.**_

I chatted with him and Stan for a little bit longer, before they both said they had to go. I told them goodnight, and I turned off the computer.

"Mom said it's time for lights out." Cousin Kyle said just moments later, I must have impeccable timing.  
After we changed into our pajamas, we climbed into bed, Cousin Kyle only had one bed, but luckily it was big enough that things weren't all awkward.

"Goodnight, Kyle." Cousin Kyle said.

"Goodnight." I echoed before falling into a restless slumber.


End file.
